too much

one, two, three pills a day, for me to be considered sane
one, two, three pills a day, swallowed with glass full of shame

too much for everyone but me
stuck in a cycle, I can’t break free
millions of rules that feel like trap doors
but it’s something I must endure

too much for family,
too much for friends
too much to function
I’ll never blend
I’ll never blend

too much, too much
too much, too much
too much, too much
in ways I don’t understand and sometimes I’d rather be bland

feeling’s been living rent-free
but I’m not the one who holds the key
there’s a voice that lives deep in my bones
never stops even as I’ve grown

too much for family
too much for friends
too much to function
I’ll never blend
I’ll never blend

shifting and repositioning
crawling out of my skin
energy to the brim
entirely too aware
and wallowing in despair
‘cause sometimes I’m too much even for me
when I just want the blissful release of sleep
I twist and I turn and never feel quite right
so all that’s left is to stay up all night

too much for friends
too much to function
I’ll never blend
I’ll never blend

too much, too much
in ways I don’t understand and sometimes I’d rather be bland
too much, too much (but not enough)
too much, too much (but not enough)
too much, too much
in ways I don’t understand and sometimes I’d rather be bland

one, two, three pills a day for me to not be so gray
one, two, three pills a day and that’s more than okay